Should have asked more questions.

Once again I admit to falling behind in updating. And once again I have excuse upon excuse. Life never seems to slow down, does it? In fact, with each passing month it feels like it picks up speed. My year here has felt similar to the phenomenon of velocity increase throughout a lifetime. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. When you’re five years old summer feels like heaven, literally lasting an eternity. Day after day is spent exploring and facing adventures. Those days feel five times longer than normal and everything is bigger than yourself and worth investigating. However, with each passing year summer gets shorter and things begin to shrink. Christmas comes faster than you can say “school‘s out for summer” and then all of the sudden it’s Spring and everything is green. And in my case, with Spring comes your birthday knocking at the door much sooner than anticipated and then, well, crap. You’ve passed another year and on comes an even faster one. Buckle up and enjoy the ride, don’t freak out. At least that’s what I am telling myself.

So I’ve had a wonderful week. One so full that in spite of all I just said, it felt like a month. (That’s another one of life’s crazy tricks isn’t it? Time is so strange.) I had a great day on Monday, cooking with Maggie. Our dinner was delicious and those last moments spent with people I’ve grown to love were invaluable. We had a lot of fun. Tuesday was difficult and I spent the day in complete denial that I was about to see my parents. Why must everything be made so complicated? Basically, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Which ended up being okay since I had no choice but to board a train at midnight and head toward Budapest, Hungary. I slept intermittently in my seat as the train barreled down the tracks and thought heavy things as I did so. I don’t know where my head was, but it wasn’t planet earth. It wasn’t until standing in the airport in Budapest that reality hit. I was about to see my parents for the first time in 9 months. All that lie between us was a gate that they would walk through at any moment. It was then that I sort of lost it. Although some would say I had lost it way back somewhere on Tuesday and then mid-Wednesday I actually ran into it and picked it up again like you would a five dollar bill left in your winter coat pocket. Either way, I could barely contain myself and once they did walk through the gate I thought I’d burst. I don’t recall ever being so happy to see them, except maybe after having my wisdom teeth out, but the lines between happiness and understanding were a little fuzzy after that procedure. This, this was just plain joy. It was calm after a storm, sense brought to panic, and replenishment of a dry oasis. Don’t get me wrong, I was doing great without them, but I had forgotten just how much love parents have for their children and how much I had missed feeling that. The point is: it was wonderful to see them again. And of course, to see my aunt and uncle too. I had not seen them for about a full year.

We stayed in Budapest for two days (one night). We went on a couple of tours with a very stylish and knowledgeable tour guide, met up with a friend and colleague, Larry Winckles, and enjoyed a couple of absolutely delicious meals together. We really enjoyed the beautiful sights of Hungary’s capital city, which although sounds a lot like Romania’s capital, Bucharest, is a completely different place. It would be easy to understand a mix up between the two, though. =]

We left Hungary on another night train. Try cramming six beds, along with the people that fit in them, along with all of those people’s luggage into a 10 by 25 foot area…and you’ve got yourself a sleeper car. I thought it was awesome, which is why I got the treat of sleeping on the top bunk of a triple-decker bed-space. I have to say, one of my dreams was fulfilled that trip. I had a fairly in depth conversation with our Romanian roommate, Rodica, about me finding a good Romanian boy and settling down to begin the process of making babies (I am at the ripe-old age of nineteen now, you know). She informed me after the passport control swept through that the man who came to our door was cute and probably a good pick, I should have asked him more questions. Well, I guess I missed my chance at romance right then and there, but that's okay. All I really wanted right then was to live out my dream of sleeping in a triple decker bunk. And that's what happened, sleep instead of romance. =] Upon arrival in Sighisoara, we trucked all of our luggage up to the apartment and immediately jumped into action, going from place to place. I could detail all we did together, but that would get tedious. The most important and best part of them being here was introducing them to the families and friends I have really come to know. It’s true that I dragged them (mostly willingly) to about four services for the Easter weekend and we could have gone to more, but it was mainly for the sake of meeting people. I wanted them to meet everyone and everyone had expressed wanting to meet them, too! And it was wonderful every time an introduction was made, every time that connection was united, and the bridges crossed. It was awesome to be able to finally convey and have them understand just how much I love the people here, and how much they love me and take care of me in return. I wish I could do a good job of that on my blog, but I don’t think it’s possible. All I can say is that the people I have met here have taught me so much and helped me an immense amount. They continue to bless me more than I could ever have asked for, or even imagined and for this I am so thankful. And all of that, in itself, is an understatement.

Of course, my family being here meant more than I can explain and their stay had multiple aspects of wonderfulness and layers of experiences. I haven't shared even half of it. Such is life though, complex and confusing, eluding all of us most of the time.

Being "less" busy.

So it's true that here in Romania I am less busy than in America. Well, I take that back. I am a completely different kind of busy. A refreshing, motivating, rejuvenating kind of busy. And who doesn't like that?
Today I will go to elderly club and enjoy a beautiful, bright, and sunny morning there. Then the process of cooking Monday night dinner will begin. Every Monday night I have dinner at Dorothy's house with the students, a peace corp worker, and any other volunteers in town that week. The students are obligated to cook at least once a semester for the group. I've cooked twice already, but I have so much fun each time that I'm back up to bat today. Also, you sign up with a "partner" and Maggie is mine for the night. We are so excited to cook together! We're having stir fry, rice, spinach salad, and a white coconut cake for dessert. Yum, yum, yum. Right after elderly club my day will be devoted to that. We'll go shopping at the open air market and then to several side shops in order to find all we need. We'll take our time and make sure to get everything because there aren't any stores up in the citadel and if we forget something it's a 15 minute walk to the nearest alimentare (store). After getting all we need we'll haul it all to Dorothy's house and begin to cook! We'll just prepare and cook all afternoon until it's time for cultural class at 5. Then at 6 we'll sit down and enjoy fellowship over a great meal with some wonderful people.
This will be the last Monday night dinner with the students. Which I can't believe. How has it been a semester already? Have these girls really been here as long as the last group was? It feels shorter.
It means my departure is not far off. How can that be true?
Tomorrow is no exception to the "different busy" rule. I will rise a little earlier than normal and start to clean. A tradition in Romania is to clean, clean, clean before Easter day. It's basically Spring cleaning, but everyone does it. Yesterday I was informed by Tati that by no means was I "let off the hook" of this cleaning experience just because I am American. I must clean before I leave for Budapest on Tuesday in order to have an orderly room on Easter weekend. He let me know right where the vacuum would be and told me that Tuesday morning was the perfect opportunity for me to get the work done. I laughed and thought to myself that it's good someone is telling me that it's time I organize myself and giving me a specific time because otherwise it would most likely be left undone. And he is right, I'm no exception. I'm actually looking forward to doing that and having a sparkling space. It will be nice.
After cleaning there is elderly club and hopefully I will make it there to see them one last time before Easter break next week. At 2ish I'll head out to Tsigmadru with Nelutu, Maggie, and probably Sandor (a new student in town) for kid's club and teens. Following that, I'll come home to pack quickly for the trip and then board a train at 11:30 at night and head for Budapest, Hungary. Taking the night train, I'll end up in Budapest early Wednesday morning and make my way to the airport to greet my parents and aunt n' uncle.
Reality hasn't sunk in yet (it's 48 hours away!), but I am SO excited.
Please be praying for safe travels and an encouraging time with one another. Also, just that plans would fall into place and run smoothly, seamlessly while they're here.
Thinking about "lasts" with the students and this short time with my parents has begun to stir up strong feelings about coming near to "the end". And working through that will be a challenge over the next couple of weeks, so please pray for that as well.
As always, I thank you over and over for being so very supportive and loving.

Weary for words...pictures will do!

So Spring has finally, finally sprung and the trees are looking beautiful. In fact, the whole town is looking beautiful. The past couple of days have been rainy, but I have not a care in the world if it means more GREEN! Which it does, of course. So here's a few from "around town":


Meet Tommi. The cat who lies outside of my door every morning and greets me every night when I come in. I never thought I'd say I like a cat, but Tommi, I like.
Man selling seeds at the market. He was stunned that I asked to take his picture and then confused what to do when I pulled out the camera and he realized I really was taking a picture. He was a nice man though, and I thought his little seed chamber thing was cool.

These are pictures from the Ukraine:

This is the Mom's and their disabled kids' club. These are only a few of the members against the back wall of the room. They were the ones who really cheered me on when I had to particpate in a game up front. =]
The little lady in the middle is the one who insisted I take a dress home with me from her wardrobe. She was so joyful and beautiful, being with her was a blessing. My good friend Maggie is on her left.
This is a little boy I picked up at the Home for the Disabled. He was 9 years old and unusually quiet. But when I made faces and laughed he let out a giggle, too. He was precious.

One night Liam and I had a date at the pizza place Quattro Amici. He loved it. We played tick-tack-toe and ate plenty of pizza. Later he came over to my place and we goofed around a little before his brother joined us after a long day's journey to Bucharest (to pick up "Miss Debbie").

(He insisted that Pup-pup be in the picture.)
Nolan and Liam being their goofy selves on a swing in the "park". "Park" consists of a set of swings that has 2 out of four functioning places.
Csilla and I after our hike up a huge hill.
Yep, Deb's in town! And it has been a blessing having her around. She comes to elderly club every day! She has already preached on Sunday and done a little devotional for the elderly. She will lead Friday morning devotions for the Veritas staff, too. Continue to pray for her as she experiences Romania! This picture was taken after a hike up in the hills. We ran into a shepherd and his flock of goats and he let us hold a baby. =] It feel asleep on Deb, just like a puppy would. Cute! The experience rekindled my desire to have a pet goat. Wouldn't it be sweet?

Here is "the gorgeous Gorge!" (said "theee GORGEOUS gorge", of course):

And a little note to those of you hoping to hear more about the Ukraine. I am in the middle of writing a little summary-type thing that I will post elsewhere and link to this blog. I don't want you to feel swamped with reading and life is still moving fast with lots of other things to post about, but I do have plenty more to say about Ukraine. So click if you choose, once I've finished and posted the link.
Thanks to all who continue to read, pray, support, even just think about us over here in Romania, as we continue our journey through this year.

In it for the long haul

I don’t even know where to begin when describing what has happened this past weekend in Ukraine or even how I feel about it all. I guess I am still (and forever will be) processing it and trying to grasp the how, why, when, and what to do questions that surface on anyone’s mind when they’ve encountered something overwhelming.
I’ll start by explaining why we went at all and the basics of what we did from Friday morning when we left till Monday night when we arrived back home. In the city of Chernivtsi, Ukraine there is a woman working to further the existence of occupational therapy and support /aid mothers and their disabled children. The American students, Dorothy, Elena (she was my language teacher earlier in the year), and I went to encourage her and try and help her out in any way possible.
On the trip there, we stopped several times to stretch our legs and prevent the stiffness that comes with long (10 hour) car rides. My favorite stop was the largest and most famous gorge in Romania. It was GORGEous! Hahaha. Really, it was. Dorothy dropped us off at the mouth of it and we walked about a kilometer through, along a road that twisted and curved with a creek alongside it, the miles-high cliff sides climbing on either side of us. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It felt like something you dream of, or read about in a fantasy novel, or maybe see in a magazine (knowing full well that it was tailored by the mouse-click of someone with way too much skill in creating fake worlds). But no. All real. The stream gurgled on the side of the road and my brain couldn’t decide which to watch: The sparkling spring water flowing flawlessly over smooth, green rocks and forming wells of water that were all-too-tempting to jump in to…or…The walls of the gorge covered in moss and reaching so far up that my neck had to strain back in order to see the top and pick up the view of the fuzz that was actually trees sticking out of the sides and gracing the top. Thankfully the road lasted long enough that I could drink in both views for plenty of time. That stop in itself made the trip worth the long trek. Little did I know what was to come…
Friday night we met with our friend and spent some time getting to know her at dinner. She is a great lady, full of passion and vision. It was inspiring just being around her and her excitement for progress was contagious. It was clear to me that God was working some pretty awesome things into her life right now. As she said “it’s the season of miracles.” “Wow” I thought to myself, “what did I get myself into.” The type of “what did I get myself into” that just means it’s not what you expected and there is definitely something bigger and unknown behind it. The kind that makes me anxious and itch with excitement. God is at work there, that’s for sure.
We stayed in a Young Life facility there and that was great. I never could have imagined that I would get to experience Young Life in another country. I was so blessed by that. Upon meeting the leaders, I was told “Welcome! Any Young Life-er is a friend of ours and the rest of you have to work on that one.” I laughed to myself at how familiar and remnant of my past experience with Young Life that greeting felt. It felt like a piece of home in a way. I sat in on a club for a few minutes and laughed at the skit that made absolutely no sense in Russian and again took comfort in feeling like God spreads so very far and wide. I know it’s strange to find that in a skit that’s really rather pointless, but it’s true. I found my appreciation of Young Life grew a lot through witnessing it’s overarching message of love in a country where I couldn’t even understand it. Again, really cool.
Saturday we helped, which really just means participated, in the club (that this woman I’ve been talking about) started for the disabled and their mothers. It was really such a blessing. Volunteers from Young Life came and ran the club. They were incredible. Again, their compassion and love was visible and tangible. They were so excited about planning and running the club, so happy to have time with the kids and love on them. So good at what they did. We had craft, singing, games, skits, food, and more throughout the duration of the club. I again felt so encouraged and inspired simply by witnessing such a life-changing and joy-giving ministry.
On Sunday came events that I can only attempt to portray, but I know that I do so poorly because you just can‘t grasp it from reading. I don’t say that to belittle those who haven’t experienced it firsthand, I only say it as warning to those who choose to read on. We visited two institutions run by the government. One was a nursing home and the other a home for the disabled (mainly boys and men). The nursing home held over 100 patients and the other one over 70. I was shocked by what I saw here. I had read and talked about institutions before, but never again should I claim to know something before I’ve experienced it myself. The people in these homes managed to capture my heart and break it at the same time and all in only a few hours time. They were so isolated and alone, so needing love. Their conditions were awful. No running water at one of the facilities, and seemingly none at the other. It stunk and you could feel the filth hanging in the air and lingering on the patients. The saddest part was how few staff were in each place and how little attention each individual was paid. Hardly any. It could hardly be said that they were treated as people at all. Yet they were so sweet. Talking to us in a language we could mutually understand; kisses, stares, smiles, grabs. A part of me broke Sunday and along with it, the dam holding back tears did as well. I cried the majority of the day, replaying scenes from both places over and over. My world came flooding over me in all it’s ugliness and I questioned all that I stood for and defended formerly, up to that very day. The meanness and cruelness of it all thrust itself under my nose and asked whether I could take it. The answer to that question remains to be answered. My own selfishness has slapped me in the face time and time again since then. Here is where the “how?”, “why?”, “when”, and “what to do?” questions started. God’s still molding that clay. Right now it just feels like wet dirt. Heavy, ugly, uncomfortable, unproductive, and shapeless. Where do I go from here? I think that is a question only time and prayer will answer. God only knows. Praise Him for knowing though, I’d be completely lost if there wasn’t that truth to hold on to.

Just the facts.

Some random facts in no particular order:
*I'm reading Mere Christianity and it's a great book. At first I had a hard time following him, but things are starting to piece together and the grand picture is a whole lot more clear.
*This weekend I was invited to go to the Ukraine with the students. So I am honored with the opportunity to see yet another new and exciting place in the world with almost no cost.
*I had a frustrating week last week for no particular reason, but the weather made up for it. It was absolutely gorgeous and sunny. This week I'm not having a particularly bad week, but the weather is gray and dismal. Which leaves me feeling groggy and disoriented, like someone woke me up at 3 in the morning and told me it was time to get ready for the day and then pushed me out the door.
*I'm applying for SUNY Geneseo even though their deadline for applications was January 1st and there is little-to-no chance of a.) getting in b.) recieving financial aid. But I am doing that whole scrambling "is this really what I want" thing before making a big decision. I can't decide what's better: going somewhere I know I will be comfortable and fit in, I know that the education is incredible and the opportunities for success are great OR going somewhere to try and figure out what I want to study because right now I'm real uncertain...and for a lot less money than the latter, and just about as equal a rigorous and reputable education.
The fact of the matter is that I may not have to choose because it would be rather miraculous if I made it into Geneseo. There is a peace about that whole situation though, I know God's guidance is behind it even when it feels like chaos to me.
*My parents are going to be here in 20 days. Actually I'm going to meet them in Budapest, Hungary and we'll stay there a couple of days before taking the night train together here. They'll be here for Orthodox Easter weekend, which also means my birthday!
*Everything is on the verge of being green and bursting forth color. I'm feeling caught in the suspension of Spring coming. The fluctuating weather is bringing me to a feeling of unease rivaled by wanting to take joy in the obvious potential there is behind it all. Through it all, there is the constant feeling of comfort in knowing it will come. There's no chance of it not coming. I'm just hungry for it. I want to feel the warmth of the sun on my shoulders and smell the sweet scent of blooming trees and flowers. I want to see green (my favorite color) blanketing the hills and wavering in the trees. I'm waiting anxiously...