The world is full of people

There is this thing called egocentrism that I learned about in psychology class last year. It’s said to be a specific stage that kids go through where they are completely focused on themselves and simply can’t understand the existence of other people, or at least the independent thoughts and feelings of other people. A common symptom of it is lack of regard when it comes to feelings. The children assume that the person in the room experiences everything they are experiencing, even their thoughts. Hence, they’ll launch into explanations that seem unconnected and reveal their own thoughts in ways that appear illogical to the rest of the world. “Wow, that kid’s got an imagination,” we all say. Often that’s a true statement and it really is quite a shame that we can’t share in their world the way they think we can. The imagination of a child is something to marvel at. Something I sometimes wish I could have back. I digress, back to the point.
Part of that egocentrism never leaves. It stays with us from the moment we are born to the day we breathe our final breath because it’s not just a stage, it’s built in. The moment the fruit was taken from the tree, our focus came off God and unto ourselves. Part of me wants to stick my fingers in my ears when I hear that again, simply because I am hearing it again. “I know, Lord” I want to say, “stop reminding me and help me fix it.” Then I pull back and recognize the fault of the response. It’s as if God directly points out the fact that I am focused on ME. “No, child” he says, not chastising, not scolding, or being condescending, but filled with love and understanding. And for a moment, things are so clear that fear fills me. I am so lost, so far off from living the way the Lord intended…how can I ever find that trail that is so hard to see. So narrow and distant. I begin to think to myself “I have no idea what I am doing…I really know nothing about being a Christian…how can I focus on others when I don’t have it figured out myself?!”
And then love in it’s most real and raw form always finds me and greets me where I am. Suddenly I find myself at the foot of the cross, humbled by the sacrifice of the Lord. Jesus died for us. How often do I hear that and it goes in one ear and out the other without any kind of true understanding? He died for us so that we don’t have to “figure it all out“. He gapped that bridge. He knows we’ll mess up and that’s okay. He forgives us every single time. EVERY single time. He knows we’re a fumbling, confused, clumsy, and blundering bunch. He loves it. Sometimes I wonder, “does he ever get sick of all of us making the same mistakes over and over again?” Ooooh, grace. That incomprehensible and perplexing thing. Grace. Hm.
I’ve realized over the past year that your whole life you continue to learn. Even the authors I’m reading right now, who write so eloquently as if they’ve got it “all figured out”, don’t! They don’t. They’re on the same journey I am along with the rest of the world. Along with the rest of the world…
Sitting on the train on the way back from Arad, I was trying to read a book, but found my eyes drawn toward the window for the majority of the time. I kept looking out the window and people-watching. We all do it, don’t deny it. I play this game where I single out a person and watch them for some time and then tell their life story (to myself, usually). It’s a pretty fun game when you get going with it, but today it wasn’t a game. Today I realized (for the umpteenth time) there are a ton of people in this world and there have been for a long time. People come and people go through this life like it’s only a flicker of time. And my egocentrism struck me like a ton of bricks. Every person has a life. I don’t know how I can verbalize this without sounding like I am extremely self-centered and clueless…like I am being “captain obvious.” But honestly, how often do we think of others in that light? That they are people who deserve just as much respect as we expect. Who could be going through similar things to us. Who could be facing situations much more than they can handle. Each person has their own family to be a part of (or maybe not!). Each person questions their life and purpose and wonders “what on earth am I doing here?” Each person has their own complexities of life to deal with. Their own feelings to tend to. Their own thoughts. When I think about how much is going on in my life right now, it boggles my mind to think that every person in the world has that. Everyone has to learn to live their own life and decide how they are going to do that.
And it’s right about there that I just want to get on my knees and say “This thing we call life is bigger than me. It’s more complicated and messy than I’m ready to be. It’s not easy and not always fun, yet You give me joy in living it. It is not all about me and I know that I make it to be all the time. Thank you for forgiving me of that and taking my hand to guide me through anyway. Thank you for your patience and grace with one so insignificant as I. Thank you for knowing each and every person’s purpose and loving us so deeply and richly when we are undeserving and ignorant most of the time. Thank you, Lord!”
God chose you to live this life. Delight in it. Live it to the full.