Being all that you can Be

Cliche, I know...but hear me out. Being at the age I am, in the place I am, I have been forced to come to grips with who I really am. I'm not talking surface stuff, I'm talking soul stuff. It's a time for me to explore if I am really being the person God has made me to be. Am I really doing what God has asked me to do? Am I living up to full potential, or at least trying?
I'll tell you now...there are all sort of opinions on that one from all sorts of people. And for a long time, I was intimidated by that. Big time. I thought that I wasn't measuring up to others' expectations, so I must not be measuring up to God's. I felt lost and confused for a long time, wondering who I really was. I read Psalm 139 over and over trying to imprint it on my brain. It sounds ridiculous. It sounds lame. Ask a bunch of therapists and they'd say "that's normal for your age".
But don't stick me in that mold. I really hate that mold. People of all ages face this question every day and people of all ages struggle with it. Although what I've learned may sound "typical" or like something you've heard before, believe me when I tell you it's unique. Because it's specific to me. God is doing this one-on-one thing with me right now, that is teaching me wonders. But sometimes it's painful. In fact, a lot of the time it is. And I know what your response to that is too..."Well, you know what they say! Growing pains!" True. As always, I know that I'll end up learning an infinitely valuable lesson and continuing to build on the foundation of faith God has built up with me. But again, still painful.
Right now I'm reading a plethora of books and the one I just finished was really good and completely played off of this year-long lesson God's working on. I'm still digesting it and I'm considering reading it again just to try and absorb a little more. If any of you have the time or opportunity, read Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell.
Here's an excerpt that describes my feelings very well, in better form than I could manage to string together:
"The problem is that the image of God is deeply scarred in each of us, and we lose trust in God's version of our story. It seems too good to be true. And so we go searching for identity. We achieve and we push and we perform and we shop and we work out and we accomplish great things, longing to repair the image. Longing to find an identity that feels right. Longing to be comfortable in our own skin. But the thing we are searching for is not somewhere else. It is right here. And we can only find it when we give up the search, when we surrender, when we trust. Trust that God is already putting us back together. Trust that through dying to the old, the new can give birth. Trust that Jesus can repair the scarred and broken image. It is trusting that I am loves. That I always have been. That I always will be. I don't have to do anything. I don't have to prove anything or achieve anything or accomplish one more thing. That exactly as I am, I am totally accepted, forgiven, and there is nothing I could do to ever lose this acceptance."
So I am trying to trust and each day I wake up and have to make the conscious decision to do so. Such is faith, right? How incredible is it though, that just as I am is good enough. I mean, all of us recieve opposite messages constantly from all sorts of sources. But don't listen! Only listen to the Lords still, strong voice. The one that has been and will be forevermore.
Amen.